Creation Lake

I wish I could write. I'm having total blog constipation. I mean I have so much to share, but the words won't let themselves be seen. 

And I need to paint.

Summer Yummer Summer

Yesterday was a day to the ZOO. It was lovely, got to see SIX tigers, and the baby elephant. The picnic and watched a dress rehearsal for Shakespeare in the Park. Good times. But at the end of the day, I was just craving a swimming pool! Soon though... Soon. 

I have a nauseating amount of movies, and so a plan has been set in motion. Every movie in my arsenal will be watched by the end of the summer. 

Now I'm off to snag some breakfast, and coffee, watch some desperate housewives, take a shower, and head to my second to last shift at Howdershell and Dunn. And of course buy my mini press. Can't wait to brew AMAZING coffee. Just for me, myself, and I, and maybe my mom. I think a solo banana chocolate vivano is in order too. Mmmmmmmm.

And if you listen very hard...

You can tell I'm not saying anything for a reason... These roads have been walked, and bridges burned. I am Lewis and Clark, not you. That is all I'm gonna say, for fear of offending. 

Death to the Little Hills, and to all reside there.

I have quit my second job 6 shifts in. I am so totally thankful for every thing it gave me though. Like my new found love and appreciation of Starbucks, I really am a barista, it is where I belong. Also, every stereotype about the people that live in St. Chuck, totally true. 

My anthropology teacher has decided to be a total bitchtard, and not give me any answers as to what my last paper is ACTUALLY supposed to be about, so today I will pull of the most miraculous bs paper of my life. Along with playing Where's Waldo with my text book to try and find non existent definitions. After that all I have left to work at one of the best stores in the district. I think I can handle that! =D

Summer is here now I guess, kind of crazy how fast it went, this year of mine... I really will miss it. I just want to leave here and disappear into a new life. I pray not everyone is how they seem... This summer will drag on. And on. There will be drama, I don't want it, I don't want to know about any of it, please stay away. I just want to get into my new room lock the door, throw away the key, climb out the window, so I can really start living life. But this summer is two months of sitting tight, playing pretend and make believe, when the games I realy like to play are... Red Rover, and Touch Football... 

I just need a sign that this summer will be worth waiting for. I waited 9 months for it, and now I just want it to go away...

Time Travel

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi762381081/

Go watch that!  S. Darko sequel to Donnie Darko?  I say hoorah!  Comes out tomorrow May 12, so go rent your copy so we can talk about how amazing Ed is.  

Second.  The choice of music right now is Afroman, Colt 45. 

Third. I have no work tomorrow. Can not WAIT!

The pains of love, and the joys of developement

Last night, May 6th, a classmate of mine had been having a troubling day, and needed help on her Psych paper... So began the texting. Back and forth about about the length of the paper, the plea that Dean Brett initially gave for Bianchi, etc. The nest text was a bit shocking...

Maria: Do you have the suicide hotline number?

This troubled me, because I couldn't tell if her question was merely a joke trying to get at how much she hated this paper, or if there was something serious. So of course I asked the reasoning and sent the number along with it.

Maria: Someone just made a threat I have to report it... It's my son. Where did I go wrong?

I couldn't believe what I was reading. It seems I have been confronted with quite a few very depressed near suicidal people. This was new though, a mother, watching her child suffer to this degree. She of course put blame on her self.

Maria: I do feel it is my fault. I have given him everything I have. I don't know what to do. What should I do?

I remembered my past. I remember my mother crying, because of my tears. Everything was in a new light. I had suffered. I was the one who wanted to die. But the kind of pain my mother must have felt, was something I never took into account. What can a child say to a mother? What can a stranger say to a mother? I tried my best to console, and lend a helping hand. Maybe I was a pebble that started a ripple of hope. I am not sure, but I pray I may have helped ease her pain a bit, the way that no one eased my mother's.

Please keep Maria and her son in your prayers, I have not heard from her in a while. this is the second time this year they have dealt with this situation. They are getting him help today. All I can do now is pray.

Whilst all of this was happening I was waging a war against the great God of homework. I won the war at about 11:20, and it brought me such relief to have it all under my belt.

The homework is not all I have been working on. My beliefs are on my mind almost all day, soul searching, and writing, and thinking, and soul searching. So far I have this:

AAP: Amor (Love) Amidus (Soul) Pondera (Balance)

Live with BALANCE, act out of LOVE, for your SOUL.

ACT WITH: 1) Respect
2) Peace
3) Politeness
4) Non-Judgement
5) Responsibility

LOVE TO: 1) Love
2) Live
3) Learn what feeds you soul


The Creator is the being from which we all came. The Creator is all around us, and inside of us. The Creator has put a piece of himself, his spirit/soul, into all living things. This binds us all together, and establishes that we are all intertwined. A soul can only live one life at a time, but will leave a shadow/imprint of the life to linger on. Every soul lives a different life to learn what truly feeds the love and desires of the soul, so it can grow.

Some questions I still have...

-Nirvana/Heaven? Do either exist or are all of our souls just reoccurring for all eternity?
-Could souls be reaching their full growing potential? If so, what happens next? (See Nirvana/Heaven)

The Beast Knows She'll Get What She Wants In Good Time

Today was a bad day. And in a couple of ways, not just one. Bad in the sense that most people would think: I had a lot of things on my plate, many things upset my delicate demeanor, many things frustrated me. But the bad for me, was that I did not live out of love, my heart and soul are filled with hate, and anger, and mostly with myself. Which is a big no no in my book. My mind is scattered, and I have lost much balance. I need time to re-center, and do not have that time to spare. And my soul feels unsettled. I am so hungry for things other than what I should be focusing on. Creativity is plaguing me. I just want to be able to sit down, and paint, write lyrics, write on the guitar, the piano, write up my theories on life, religion, The Creator, and yet I am stifled by papers... Although the papers should interest me, and usually would, today they are enemies, and will stay that way until they are rid of me. I know that the quicker I do it, like a band aid, it will all be over, and I can relax, but I'm so ADD still, that it is hard to sit here for long amounts of time, and just hack through. 

Tomorrow will be a trial. I have had days like tomorrow, and I know how hard they can be, but I need to remember AAP, remember the underlying principles. Most of all remember that there is a choice to be angry, or to be proud of the things that are beautiful and pure. Wish me luck!