RxP, and Self Reliance

I have forgotten passion it seems. Not in everything, just some things. Things i should never forget. And there are times where new passions, spark the need for the remembrance of old passions. 

Recently the debate of pro vs. anti RxP has come up in Psychology, and has been picking at my brain quite a bit. I say that I aspire to be a Psychology major, but the deeper and deeper into the study of the field I dive, I am just plain terrified. The amount of BIO, I think I could manage, but if actually want to make something of yourself you are going to spend a good amount of your schooling studying pharmacology. Maybe that is just me, feeling like I have to do a certain thing. There are plenty of other things you can do that don't require those studies, but what if I'd want to do those things? Am I just telling myself I do not have the determination to wear a white coat, and work in a lab? Or do I know it's just not the place for me? And what if there is another passion I have not yet thoroughly explored? What if I find a missing link to my life next year? There is so much to still be discovered, and I find it such a shame to be limiting ourselves to one certain thing when we are all so talented, and have so many things we could our brains to use as.

I think that a movie I saw just recently also brought back about a million and five feelings. Toward my dearest Ralph, and Henry. There is just something about that damned essay that i fall in love with time and time again. "Your genuine action will explain itself, and it will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing." Can it get more perfect than that? 

Places. Away. Far. Away.

I have 28 dollars to my name. Not including the 7 and 18 cents in my savings account. Or my money I store for my musical purposes. And there is just so much I want. So many things I want to do. So many places I want to go. One of them being my bed. A few others include Siesta Key, Oregon, Boulder, and Estes Park Colorado, Chicago, Lake of the Ozarks, Louisiana, California, The red wood forest, Santa Cruz, San Jose, the Dakotas, The Appalachians. And those are just the ones in country. I wish I could take off a year or so, and just go and visit all the places. And the people who live in them. 

Last night Devon, Brianna, and I all watched two movies. Great movies. Movies that get you thinking. Then we got to talking about the thinking. Now I can't stop thinking. I have so many questions to ask myself, and someone else, if only I knew who that someone else is. There is nothing like watching scene after scene of the most beautiful countryside. I just want it to be warm. I want to go camping for the first time in my life. For like a couple nights. Just, go. Away from everything. 

Now I come back to my books. To the teachings of great, and familiar men. I wish I had more time for them always. I ned to learn to budget my time. They need a place in my life. They are great at keeping me calm. And keeping myself in check. They help me remember the questions I have for the universe. 

Now I go.. Off to bed. Night all.

Fear the Turtle... And Windows Media Player.

"The discussion at hand was 'Is gay liberation/rights, nearly as important, or as hard hitting as Civil Rights?'" -Sentence from my Anthropology Course. That about sums up everything. What a great day. "So the culture scene that I live two days a week became so much more than just Bio 122. It became a melting pot of egos, individuals, idiolects, propriospects , S.E.Ss, and ideas. I was able to understand what kind of wonderful social interaction I was experiencing." As gay as it sounds it's so true. I could get into how amazing in touch I feel with things, and how accomplished I feel. But my exhaustion is overwhelming. I think the word of the day though is "Propriospect" No. It's not in the dictionary yet. (At least not your good old Webster's) And I feel like someone finally made a word to explain the way I have been trying to live my life. Or at least understand it. The way you view life based on the EXPERIENCES you have lived. The way you life YOUR life, ads a unique individual, based on your experiences. What you've done, what's been done to you, has made you who you are, and that effects the way you perceive, and live your life. Beautiful. Just perfect. And that discussion was perfect. How do you compare gay rights, and civil rights? Are they even on the same plane? There are so many factors to think about. So much to think about while I try and fall asleep tonight. I love learning.

Aftermidnight.

I want to go stand on a cliff. And forget about EVERYTHING for just a moment. 

Barf. Thud. Thud. "I'm Okay!"

Once upon a time, in a mall far far away. There was a mom, and a bunch of people, who trying to dare this little child into walk up the down escalator. The kid only wanted to please the family and friends, so he kept going, and going. Knowing he was going absolutely no where. The group started to laugh, and this made the child feel stupid, because he could not do what was being asked. So he walked even faster. He broke a sweat. The people below started to think he might actually do it. He could tell he was getting closer. His eyes were tearing up. His throat was burning. The muscles in the backs of his legs grew sore, but he started to run. Sprinting up to the top he went. The people began to cheer. They were so proud. He was smiling ear to ear as he was almost to the top. He could hear his parents gleeful yells. His shoe lace came untied. Down he went. Nicking the side of his ear, breaking his leg, bruising his eye, knocking out a brand new tooth that was just starting to grow. He reached the bottom battered and torn up. His family and friends, and even a few strangers all looked down at his limp body. Their eyes brimmed with tears. They tried to help him up. The child laid there and wept. His pain was the only thing keeping him awake. He cursed his shoe lace. He was so close. The doctors say he'll never run on escalators again, what a pity. He will never meet that goal. That moment will haunt his dreams, forever. 

I wish I could say I feel like what I just wrote, but truth be told, I can not let myself think I have it that bad. Because I am so lucky to have what I do have. And even though it seems just when the sun is coming out, a storm hits, at least there is the eye, that little bit of sun, before it hits again. I love my life, and almost every person involved with it. And I take that for granted every time I let myself feel sorry for myself. So I am done with my little pity rant. THank you for listening.