If you send me a signal

I will go run and hide

I see your lights, they’re flashing

Time to bid the day goodbye

I look to the sky and

Watch the blue fade to grey

I hear your echo cracking

I find no comfort in staying

I will not know yo

And your unkind face

I will not know you

Today

As I seek shelter from your beating

I listen to the cry of the trees

I feel no shame inside here

In my safe escape

If you come again, please remember

You catch more bees with honey, than this vinegar

Try and steer clear of this commune

I will wait this out once again.

I will not know you

And your unkind face

I will not know you

Today

And in my fear I bow to your majesty

You fury will always haunt me

As you crash through the forest and the trees

All I ask is that you spare me

Spare me

Within You

I find it a very troublesome situation that looking back a couple of short months ago I was writing and writing, no problems. I was writing enough to have a good size set list, to have too many songs to choose which ones to put on an EP. Looking back I try to see what part of me has changed, grow, or disappeared and left me in this position. I for the first time feel completely un-creative. I have ideas, but they are never what I really want to create, never what I agree with whole heartedly. "So create what you want already, and stop complaining!", you say. Well, I've been trying, and anything that comes out, in whichever media is the choice of the moment, is garbage. I feel as if I don't fully feel enough, what it is that I'm living, loving, and believing, to accurately portray it through the means that make me satisfied. So how do I fix it? How do I start feeling "this" -whatever "it" is I should be feeling at the moment- in such a way to end this drought of creation?

Even writing this annoys me. I feel no real sense of creative-expression, even though I know no other way to be expressing my thoughts. Plain and simply I lay out my thoughts, but it seems so dissatisfying. This case of writers block is crossing the bridge from frustrating, to stifling. I need some kind of change for the better.

You must be an elusion, can I see through you?

Metaphysics. My first lesson on the subject happened today, it lasted a total of 14 minutes and was rushed through because it was the last 14 minutes of the period. Already I can tell this is going to be a semester of exponential growth for my love of self discovery, and curiosity for the subject philosophy.

The past three nights I have been broadening myself to a different era of music than my ears and mind are used, while still maintaining my usual playlist. We have a mixture of Grateful Dead, and Animal Collective, Jimi Hendrix, and Minus The Bear, The Beatles, and Yeasayer. This is also leading into a better attitude and mindset to this upcoming 5 months.

Over all I'd say I'm more than stimulated and intrigued, and in other words prepared for the new semester. Academically, emotionally, inter/interapersonally, musically, and financially I walk with a strong stride down the sidewalks of what is about to be the present, and is presently my future. SO much excitement is built up, and I think it's for a good cause.

Inside This Rusted Train

A lot of my focus lately has been going to one thing lately- Moving. I know that I have a solid three years left in Columbia, but I feel like these three years are just one giant prerequisite to what comes after. I know a lot of people are afraid of getting to the point where they have so much responsibility it's terrifying, but all I find my self thinking about is how nice it sounds to be able to provide for myself. I know that I really don't have any idea of just HOW much responsibility will pile up on my lap, and at the speed of light. As these three years dwindle I'm sure I'll get a better idea of just how big that pile will be, and it will become even more intimidating. One thing I have learned from my life so far, is how most things that are intimidating are really great (great is in notable, remarkable, and exceptionally outstanding- not "nifty") and they demand a certain level of respect. Not only will the responsibility demand a level of respect from me, but in respecting that responsibility I demand respect from myself. It's not that I don't have anxieties about the load that I will carry, it is instead the thirst for that respect, and the humbleness I've seen come from such respect that my excitement blooms from. So looking to four years from now, I do have have goals, and aspirations, but I can't be sure of what really will come to be. It is these goals that give me structure, and direction to achieve the respect I choose to demand from myself. So, what seems like fantasy, and unrealistic dreams for the future are more than just playing pretend. These goals are what I base everyday off of. Only you can choose what direction to take everyday (some would argue that it is not YOU choosing, but for the sake of this organization, and simplicity I will leave my combat to this absent), only you have the power to set your goals, choose your attitude, and the words that convey who you are, how you feel, and others should feel about you. I do all of these things with my goals in mind, because my goals are just as much a part of me, as my attitude, words, etc. And in doing this I know I'm on the road to showing myself the respect I deserve, and in doing that I've made the people who I most care about proud of me. All in all- respecting yourself in the way that I tried to express here is a really wicked thing. Just remember to give that same respect to others around you, that is my next challenge to myself.