Some Kind Of Reflection.

 Wow. How many times did I end up with this design in my Threadless cart without knowing I would have the pleasure of actually being coworkers with the artist who made me fall in love with his work. People use the phrase "small world" with so much disregard. It is such a big world, and the fact that this kind of thing happens is not a coincidence. It is a perfect illustration (no pun intended) of how our souls are so interconnected. We feel so small in this big world, and yet the web of connections is so large, making the world seem smaller, and our souls seem so much larger. I know that this is all just based on one T-Shirt design, but really? I couldn't have asked for a better example of what has been on my mind as of late. 

Plus. Wicked cool design. Looking for my prints to put in my room when we get to Como. And I found number three I think =).

Speaking (well writing) of (about), we are meeting our roommate today. I am more than nervous. I've been trying so hard to be a completely un-judgmental person, so we'll see if my practice pays off, or if The Great Spirit is "smiling upon me", she'll just be wicked cool, and there will be no trouble at all becoming very close acquaintances with her. 

Anywho, being myself, I am about to go change, I spent about a half an hour picking out an outfit that would best emphasize my personality. I now realize asking other people if they think it does is completely wrong, and I should go with my gut, seeing as my gut is part of my personality, and it knows best most of the time anyways... 

Low is a Height

Spring 2010. Tim Burton's 3D Alice in. Wonderland. Who else is as excited about this as I am? So rad.

Also. Everyone should take a look at: Great Northern, The Sounds, Iain Archer, and Djiel. All very rad as well. 

I'm trying to figure out what is going on in our government, and the more people tell me about it the more I get confused, because everyone has there own views that they can't help but just slide right in there. How do you find unbiased information? Is there ever ANYthing unbiased? The only way of knowing something for a fact, is seeing/experiencing it first hand, and I can tell you right now, I don't think I'll be getting involved with the government any time soon, so I'll just have to go with the biased information in the world, and weed out the truths.

Also, I'm trying to figure out this new toy of mine: Stumbleupon. Not much fun at all. I mean I think I get the purpose, but I guess I thought it'd be more informative. I found a thing on there that shows you how to make your blog more appealing. Pretty funny. 

Any one wanna go to Ireland with me? How about Ontario? Greece? I just wanna travel really bad right about now. And just look at things. I need to invest in a really good camera. Put that on the list...

Buy a ticket and get on a train.

So long since I've blogged. Is it because I've become boring? Is it because I'm so busy being boring I don't have time to share my boringness to the world? And my boringness is what truly makes me happy. Going to work, coming home to the one person who tends to make all the problems disappear, and falling asleep in her arms, and getting up and doing it all over. On my off days I try and jam pack every second wit things that are considered "exciting" because I keep telling myself that who I "really am" isn't a "boring" person. But is it boring to want to spend your off days just relaxing? Going to a park? Getting an espresso macchiato, and thinking about what really matters? Wondering what your dissertation will be about, and then looking up things on the internet to try and find what would be good tools of research? So blog, or no blog. Excitement, or no excitement my focus now, and as always, turns to re-teaching myself how to be comfortable in my own skin, no pretense that I am this person that I keep making up on my own. 

There was an older woman who came in to my Starbucks the other day and approached the counter, and I noticed her T-shirt that said "Winnipeg Canada" on it. And if you don't already know this about me, I have a secret desire to run away get married in Canada, and spend the rest of my life there. So needless to say, I commented on the shirt. I asked if it was a nice place and she said yes, and urged me to go, saying, "I don't have granite counter tops, wood flooring, and leather couches like the people that live around here (Creve Couer, West County, MO), but I have plenty of ticket stubs" It was so refreshing to hear someone with the means to be such a snob, using her money to go around the world, and really expeiernce life. I need to learn to love adventure. I really don't and I feel like I should learn before it's too late...

Also, thought... I have been thinking about why I want so many "good acquaintances".  Most people want friends so they'll have someone to care about, and be cared about by someone. Some want friends to go out and have a good time with. Some want friends to have conversation with. Some want friends for validation. I want "good acquaintances" because I want to know that people think I have a desirable, well rounded character. Is that just personal gain? To want people to be around me, to want to be liked, so that I know that I really am well rounded? That I really am who I'm trying so hard to be? Or is that just desiring conformation? But then again, is desiring the conformation personal gain? Basically, what I'm hung up on is wondering if by wanting these "good acquaintances", I'm totally defeating the goal of being a well rounded person...

P.s. money blows. And I keep trying to put Tamara's words in the front of my mind... "Stressing about money doesn't get you any more money, it gets you a sooner death sentence and premature grey hair". 

Everyone livin' in ghost town.

Shiny Toy Guns, I appreciate these lyrics. Great song. Great sound. I have finally found a band that has captured the essiance of 80's hair band, meet Rock band playin' with some shrooms. Where did music like go? When did people stop wnting to write like this? I for one have not. And declare I will create music that will beg to become what they have created. 

Secondly. I am back to hating everyone. But loving the nobodies of the world. Maybe because that is who I have become. Work my ass off to end up broke. Not being able to make the full car payment, because I have to buy a new starter, so I can pay for a trip to actually relax, when really it's making me sick to think of how much money I've been flailing around as of late... Failing to make myself happy, so I make the lady on the other side of the counter smile and laugh as I make a clever joke, being the best barista I can be, making people think I'm so much more cool than I am. So I can feel liked. So I can feel wanted. So I can feel worth my own time. I'm so damn awesome when I'm with people I don't know. Everyone wants me. Everyone wants to be me, be my friend. When really I don't think I could make them like me if they saw me out in the real world. Because the kid across the counter doesn't know what it's like to not be able to make the car payment... How can I hold a conversation with someone who has no backbone. 

There is a paragraph that is invisible here.... It's about my real feelings... Too bad they're invisible too...