Put It DOWN!

Raymond Holenbach died today (yesterday as of now). He was my grandfather. My mother said he looked "beautiful" and told me that she "kissed his cold, still body for me" and that is what directly sent to heaven. I haven't cried yet, although i almost did when reading what my cousin wrote as her Facebook status, "We pass from earth to sky. From dark to light, our souls take flight, Beautiful here, a wondrous sight. Thank you for your light. The wink..." The wink... I know what wink she means. He didn't say much, but that wink, it let you know he was listening, and that he loved you. I've gotten that wink since I was a baby. But thankfully I will have a perfect picture of it to hold onto. R.I.P. grandpa. I love you so much. Have fun in the "Great Martini Bar in the Sky" without me!

I've had quite a few more ideas flying through my head. As usual. Of course they are almost all school induced. There is just so much to see and learn there... It's crazy. 

First off, none related to my personal life, PMDD vs. BiPolar 2. PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is a recently discovered condition that has been ruining women's lives for longer than we knew. It is a "condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle." These "problems" include many symptoms very similar to those of BiPolar 2. So here we are diagnosing women with BiPolar 2, when they probably just a have a period that runs ramped. Just like in states of manic depression, the levels of Serotonin in a woman's mind drop, so all you have to do is take an SSRI two weeks out of the month, and you are good to go. It just made me laugh a little. Knowing that there are Psychologist going through the DSM, and having to choose between BiPolar, and a really sucky cycle.

Another thing that has been on my mind a whole bunch lately is the interactions between whites and blacks. It tends to vary on age as well. I have a coworker who I can joke around with about our color, but if I went to school, and tried that on my acquaintance Maria, it wouldn't be so funny. But as I have learned in my Anthro class, race is just a myth, so why should this be an idea in my head anyways? Yesterday I filled out a survey, and to bubble in "White/NonHispanic", when the head of our class, is having us read A Raisin in the Sun, and trying to teach us the values of loving each other for who we are. So why the hell, does any one care what race I am, when I'm taking a survey about how long a day a spend texting? Why should that even be a factor? It really pisses me off. I will have more to come on this subject at a later date.

The balance in my life seems... Not so balanced. Everything will slow down for a tiny bit now though. My two, and only, friends are going back to where they came from, and I will sink back into my routines. But Friday, all will be disheveled again. I will go up to Columbia for an evening, eat a dinner with what seems like a group of strangers sometimes, and then pack my bags and leave for a memorial service. Most people probably dread memorial (death) services, but I am really looking forward to this one. I have family that truly speaks my language, and I get to see every last one of my family members (from my mom's side). That hasn't happened since before my parents split. Anywho, back to the balance... I just try so hard to keep all my tasks managed, and seem to fail, epically at sometimes. I want to read and write, and sing, and be free. And I am trapped. In a bubble of espresso and text books, I sit and dissolve.