Inside This Rusted Train

A lot of my focus lately has been going to one thing lately- Moving. I know that I have a solid three years left in Columbia, but I feel like these three years are just one giant prerequisite to what comes after. I know a lot of people are afraid of getting to the point where they have so much responsibility it's terrifying, but all I find my self thinking about is how nice it sounds to be able to provide for myself. I know that I really don't have any idea of just HOW much responsibility will pile up on my lap, and at the speed of light. As these three years dwindle I'm sure I'll get a better idea of just how big that pile will be, and it will become even more intimidating. One thing I have learned from my life so far, is how most things that are intimidating are really great (great is in notable, remarkable, and exceptionally outstanding- not "nifty") and they demand a certain level of respect. Not only will the responsibility demand a level of respect from me, but in respecting that responsibility I demand respect from myself. It's not that I don't have anxieties about the load that I will carry, it is instead the thirst for that respect, and the humbleness I've seen come from such respect that my excitement blooms from. So looking to four years from now, I do have have goals, and aspirations, but I can't be sure of what really will come to be. It is these goals that give me structure, and direction to achieve the respect I choose to demand from myself. So, what seems like fantasy, and unrealistic dreams for the future are more than just playing pretend. These goals are what I base everyday off of. Only you can choose what direction to take everyday (some would argue that it is not YOU choosing, but for the sake of this organization, and simplicity I will leave my combat to this absent), only you have the power to set your goals, choose your attitude, and the words that convey who you are, how you feel, and others should feel about you. I do all of these things with my goals in mind, because my goals are just as much a part of me, as my attitude, words, etc. And in doing this I know I'm on the road to showing myself the respect I deserve, and in doing that I've made the people who I most care about proud of me. All in all- respecting yourself in the way that I tried to express here is a really wicked thing. Just remember to give that same respect to others around you, that is my next challenge to myself.