Buy a ticket and get on a train.

So long since I've blogged. Is it because I've become boring? Is it because I'm so busy being boring I don't have time to share my boringness to the world? And my boringness is what truly makes me happy. Going to work, coming home to the one person who tends to make all the problems disappear, and falling asleep in her arms, and getting up and doing it all over. On my off days I try and jam pack every second wit things that are considered "exciting" because I keep telling myself that who I "really am" isn't a "boring" person. But is it boring to want to spend your off days just relaxing? Going to a park? Getting an espresso macchiato, and thinking about what really matters? Wondering what your dissertation will be about, and then looking up things on the internet to try and find what would be good tools of research? So blog, or no blog. Excitement, or no excitement my focus now, and as always, turns to re-teaching myself how to be comfortable in my own skin, no pretense that I am this person that I keep making up on my own. 

There was an older woman who came in to my Starbucks the other day and approached the counter, and I noticed her T-shirt that said "Winnipeg Canada" on it. And if you don't already know this about me, I have a secret desire to run away get married in Canada, and spend the rest of my life there. So needless to say, I commented on the shirt. I asked if it was a nice place and she said yes, and urged me to go, saying, "I don't have granite counter tops, wood flooring, and leather couches like the people that live around here (Creve Couer, West County, MO), but I have plenty of ticket stubs" It was so refreshing to hear someone with the means to be such a snob, using her money to go around the world, and really expeiernce life. I need to learn to love adventure. I really don't and I feel like I should learn before it's too late...

Also, thought... I have been thinking about why I want so many "good acquaintances".  Most people want friends so they'll have someone to care about, and be cared about by someone. Some want friends to go out and have a good time with. Some want friends to have conversation with. Some want friends for validation. I want "good acquaintances" because I want to know that people think I have a desirable, well rounded character. Is that just personal gain? To want people to be around me, to want to be liked, so that I know that I really am well rounded? That I really am who I'm trying so hard to be? Or is that just desiring conformation? But then again, is desiring the conformation personal gain? Basically, what I'm hung up on is wondering if by wanting these "good acquaintances", I'm totally defeating the goal of being a well rounded person...

P.s. money blows. And I keep trying to put Tamara's words in the front of my mind... "Stressing about money doesn't get you any more money, it gets you a sooner death sentence and premature grey hair".