Beautiful Ideals.

I think that moving should require a blog, right? It seems blog-worthy.

Well for starters, I am home sick. I didn't realize just HOW MUCH I rely on having my family with me there every second. I love them so much, it's not that they were there to DO anything for me, but just BEING THERE was so important...

Now I'm "independent" and "growing up". That usually feels great, but right now, it's just plain scary. I'm sure that is normal and natural, but for me, it's not what I expected of myself. I'm strong when it comes to these things, or at least very good at acting that way, but right now, I'm scared and wimpy.

I had a multitude of conversations focussing on fear, and the importance of it. Many people think of fear as a bad thing. A negative, or a barrier. I think of fear as a tool that can be misused as a weapon if you let it. But for me, this fear that I have, of responsibility, age, classes, career, loneliness, emptiness, vulnerability, money, etc. can motivate me to stay away from these things. Some people would argue that "fate" has it all planned out anyway, that a supreme being has the ultimate play book all written down, so "living in fear" is trivial. That it isn't up to YOU, but that is their belief not mine. I follow my cognition of free will. I can use my brain that that same "supreme being" gave me to DECIDE to not spend too much, get out and talk to new people, study hard. That I give thanks for. So I will embrace my fear as a friend, not foe, and help him to keep me grounded, and motivated.

So all in all, yes, I'm a bit sad, but this is a positive thing. Humans are made to desire both change, a constancy nd, and create a balance between the two. I now have my change, and a large one at that, and I can create a new constant. This can be my new, and constant. What a beautiful ideal.