Finding a belief that sticks.

I have been looking into my heart and mind, and a few books, to see where my "faith" lies. And with much thinking, I have decided to go on my own, and go about this life in a way I find most acceptable to me.

I have a feeling the greater force put us on this earth with a soul (or spirit), and our goal (whether we know it or not) is to search out, push the limits, and grow to understand our soul. Buddhism looks at life in a perspective that reaching "nirvana" is the highest goal, but their definition of "nirvana" doesn't sit quite right with me. Don't get me wrong, I think living a life in the hopes of achieving middle-wayedness is a wonderful way to live life, but just because you've learned to accept things exactly as they are doesn't fly. Gotama had a wonderful thought that desire brings frustration, (and I agree, that leading a middle way lifestyle would solve about 101 problems in my life) but I don't think I could reach my point of "nirvana" until I grew to know my spirit completely. And I desire to know my soul fully, so fully, that I defeat the middle way most of the time. So my question(s) at this point is(are): Do I believe in a "nirvana", and if so how do I define my "nirvana"? And even though I am pro middle way, and support a middle way lifestyle, do I agree with it completely? And can I only practice the middle way at times, or does that defeat the middle way entirely?

I think that most people would say they don't agree entirely with their "faith" or religion. And I find that to be a problem. There are plenty of different definitions of the word religion, but the context I'm using the word in this moment would fall under the interpretation "the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices." So we have a group, lets call the Group A, whom all share a common set of beliefs, and practices. The group grows with time, and some people don't agree with every belief or practice Group a has laid out, why do these people still consider themselves a part of Group A? Why is it tolerable for people to still call themselves a part of something that they are not? Why don't those people call themselves something different? I guess that is how we got Lutherans, etc. but why did that stop? Where are the people sticking up for THEIR thoughts? THEIR set of beliefs and practices? (The answer is living for instant gratification, but that is another time and another day). 

Some would argue that they stay in their religions because those religions state that other religions are "wrong" and that the people in other religions, or "faiths" will "go to hell", so they follow these practices as a way to get to their "nirvana" if you will. Twisted in my eyes sometimes, but their "nirvana" none-the-less. But I have had a wise person tell me once that she believes that there is no "wrong" way. Why can't everyone be "right"? Why can't every religion be "right"? It was such a radical thought for me at the time, that I didn't know if I could accept it. Now I see how "right" SHE was. I believe that every soul can have their own "religion", minus the "group of persons" part, to reach their own state of "nirvana". 

I have a feeling this could go on for about ever, but this is just what has been my mind lately. Just trying to figure myself out a little bit (little means: racking my brain daily, and developing meditational skills to try and achieve more racking of the brain). 

Also update: Step one for me right now is stop abusing myself i.e. stop popping knuckles, picking scabs, picking my lips. It's very hard seeing as I do these things CONSTANTLY throughout my day. But I feel myself improving more and more, getting closer to getting myself to a state of healthiness.